I've been felling the enemy's attacka lateley. Thoughts of could have, should have would have have ben reeling in my mind. When that happens I do as God's word tells me to do I resist Satan and i begin to think of all that is good in my life. I have much to to be greatful for, much more than I have to complain about! But the regrets are something I always have to fight against. Those are mostly of choices my husband and I hav made. Not all bad choices we've made I regret however. But there are a couple I do. Right now I don't see a way out of our current situation. In fact, ceratin matter have arisen that might get us deeper into it. My husband sees those as good things but I see those as tightening the chains around our family. From past experinces I know that my isnticts have ususally been correct, though I do not depend on that but on the Lord.
There is a movie I like called "Cast Away". The main character is a guy who is busy going about his life when his plane ends up crashing in the middle of the Pacific and he is washed ashore of a desert island. Despite his best efforts to escape, even by death, he is unable to. Finally on day, 4 years after the crash the tide washes in a big scrap of metal from a port-o-potty and he ends up using that as a sail that allows him to escape and eventualy be rescued. The whole experience made him into a better person, even though while he was in the island all alone all he could do is just survive.
I feel like I am in that island with no control over what happens next. I try and try to escape but all my efforts are in vain. I am tired, but unlike that man I am not alone. I have my Lord Jesus Christ who sustains me through this moment and through this season He has made me more like the woman He created me to be. I have sen more clearer than ever many of my worst impurities. I've discovered I'm not as good as I once thought. I've discovered that the darkness in my soul is much deeper and much uglier than I could have ever realised had I not been walking through this desert island. Although it has not been easy, this period in my life has been one of the best circumstances for me because the Lord is refining me like I probably couldn't have been had things gone as I would have liked them to. Even as I write this I am greatful for that, even though the enemy still attacks me in my vounerable state. I rest in this:

"But He said to me 'My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in your weakness'
Therefore i will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me." (2Corinthians 12:9)

Wow, so I boast about my weakness so that Christ's pwer rests on me. God Almighty's power is made prefect in my weakness!
If my life has to crash and if I must be stranded in a small desert island so that Christ's power is made perfect in me then let it be so!!!
I know that when the time is perfect in His will God will allow the tide to bring me a sail, but a greater sail is already here by the shedding of his blood and I have been saved and set free from my chains forever!